a jumble of thoughts

This was a draft i found...dated in...2008 sometime?


this is just a place for me to put things down sometimes...
i feel that it can be more, but my life...scratch that...i make myself too busy to do such things

blessings have been poured out on me in such a way that i can feel as though they're commonplace

they are...common that is, God has given me so much and continues to do so each and every day

but my attitude towards them should not be one of apathy and expectation

where is the delight? where is the wonder?

i feel as though i have entered into a time of my life where God has decided not to hold back the amounts of spiritual blessings, and i am caught up in the world around me

it is this place of indifference that i cannot seem to escape from

don't get me wrong, i am passionate about the work that i am doing, and i love the time that i do get to spend with my family and youth kids...

it is the feeling that i am "slugging" it out that bothers me

the difficulty of my situation is real and the problems that i face can be difficult, but i feel as though i am in a slump of sorts

why is it on this journey of life that we always seem to be looking forward to where we will be?
when others tell me that i will look back on this time and smile, laugh or remember wistfully, why do i doubt it?
i know that it is probably true, and that i will likely hold this time in my life close to my heart, but is it too much to ask for that now? is it too much to ask God to reveal the joy of this time so that i may enjoy it while i am in it?

i do not know how to resolve this
i feel as though i am stuck in the city with the foolish (to quote Whitman)
and i'd rather be in the thick of it with the faithful holding onto that ineffable joy that the Lord provides...

Lord, help me to see your work and hand of provision in all of this. Help me to put aside my feelings and grab onto your Truth as you reveal it to me through your Word and your Spirit