a rant that carried too long

life can be hectic...if we allow it. opportunities can cause us to blindly leap forwards, embracing a new idea.

these sort of actions can be so detrimental to our lives, creating pain and strife that's entirely unnecessary if we are wise.

"It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way"
Proverbs 19:2 (NIV)

discovering this can be hard. i've found myself running towards a new goal without actually taking the time to see if it was the appropriate time, or even the appropriate goal.

relationships can be this way too, enticing us to that ideal that we strive for. this isn't a bad way to go, but perhaps some wisdom can be incorporated to create patience. i know that i have been so drawn by the prospect of intimacy that i've been so open and so exposed that the only possible outcome was hurt. being that vulnerable isn't bad, or wrong...it just needs to be in a natural progression in a relationship, not forced.

i dated a girl once that taught me quite a few lessons. she didn't teach me overtly, but in a more indirect way, through our experiences together. in hindsight, the whole relationship was wrong, both in timing and in the pairing of the two of us. in spite of that, God still blessed me with knowledge and personal growth.

we began dating because she expressed an attraction to me. as much as she was attractive, my reasons for dating her were far more selfish than even physical attraction can be. i was enamored with the idea of that sort of intimacy. i didn't spend the time to get to know her, or to even see if we were socially compatible. instead i dove into the relationship excited at the idea of having someone that i could show my romanticism to, and care for. i was seeking fulfillment in the relationship itself, the other person being a mere catalyst for my desire. in no time at all i was caught up in a whirlwind of physical intimacy with the emotional closeness being almost entirely one-sided. it wasn't my side. it didn't take much for me to get drawn back into the relationship whenever i tried to leave. being a young teenager with very little experience in life (even for someone my age) i was easily manipulated through emotional guilt trips and rollercoaster rides of melodrama. this girl was amazingly skilled and pulling my strings and creating a puppet that provided the emotional object for her own misplaced desires.

God called into my life and i realized that i needed to place him in the forefront for my first time. it was an incredible place to be in, where i realized that everything that i used in my life to give me fulfillment brought nothing but pain and a greater need.

i've realized that i was hasty in my pursuit of what i had hoped was love. God has great plans for us all. He has placed people that we can truly love and embrace in a full, pure and complete relationship...romantic or otherwise. i lost my way in my overeager actions. this caused both my and my girlfriend a great amount of hurt that took quite some time for me to get over. i hope and pray that she was able to learn and move on as well.

i thank God for allowing me to realize what sort of benefit these experiences can be. He may not wish for us to go through such times, but He will enable us to learn and grow from them. we are better for such trials, but only if we respond in a Godly way, using it to increase our knowledge and awareness. my zeal is still strong, but more carefully directed.
patience is something that i try to practice all the time (and i fail miserably at quite often)

Lord grant me your insight and knowledge in my relationships. help me to establish them within the boundaries and guidlines that You've set out before us. You have designed the human spirit to be capable of so much emotionally, but it's hindered if it's injured. help me to keep my heart safe, and to use it in a way that you want.

~Myke